so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
