went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
