His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
