Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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