he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
