It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
