You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
