Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
