Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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