I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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