i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
