i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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