No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
