drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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