WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
