Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
