When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
