i permit you to call me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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