it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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