Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
