so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
