i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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