OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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