I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
