Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
