I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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