boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
