you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
