I faked an abortion last night.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
