I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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