just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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