Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
