I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
