I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
