I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
