Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
