it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
