bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
