Soap is not a condiment
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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