just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
