I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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