so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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