Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
