my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
