i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
