your parents love me but you hate me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
