screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
