I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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