i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
