My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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