clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
