guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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