we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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