What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
