he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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