Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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