You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
